Grieving the death of a loved one is among the most distressing experiences we can go through in life [1]. It’s finite and clear-cut. And we all share this experience.
But what happens when the loss remains unclear? When someone goes missing? When you’ve ended a long-term relationship? When a family member becomes estranged or struggles with a grave health condition like Alzheimer’s disease? This type of grief without closure is often referred to as ambiguous loss.
Ambiguous loss is one of the most emotionally confusing forms of grief without closure. It can keep the heart and mind in a state of limbo that’s confusing, exhausting, and deeply emotional.
If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Ambiguous loss is not something you “get over.” Instead, it’s something you learn to navigate with compassion, patience, and support. And the good news is that there are ways to understand and cope with it — and you don’t have to do it on your own.
What Is Ambiguous Loss?
Ambiguous loss, a term coined by Dr. Pauline Boss, a family therapist and pioneer in grief research, describes losses that remain open-ended, uncertain, or unresolved [2]. Such uncertainty can leave us frozen somewhere between grief and hope, unable to move through it.
There are two main types of ambiguous loss:
| Physical Absence + Psychological Presence |
Psychological Absence + Physical Presence |
| Situations where someone is physically gone, but remains emotionally and mentally present in our minds. | Situations where someone is physically present in our life, but feels emotionally and mentally “gone”. |
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How Ambiguous Loss Affects Us
Ambiguous loss is not just loss; it’s also the uncertainty and the lack of closure or a clear ending. Common struggles include:
Mental Health Struggles
Without closure, the grief is open-ended [3]. We tend to oscillate between grieving what was lost and hoping for what might happen. That’s what usually keeps us stuck in a cycle of sadness, helplessness, hyper-vigilance, rumination, anxiety, and stress.
Social Confusion
It’s understandable then that other people in your life, whether friends or family, might feel confused as to what type of support they should provide. It can be difficult for them to grasp the complex nature of your grief, the paralyzing inability to move on with your life, etc. As a result, it’s common to struggle with isolation, loneliness, alienation, and even social exclusion.
Prolonged Grief
Some days, we allow ourselves to grieve the loss, the absence, the lack of answers. Other times, we might hope that the person we’re missing would come back to us, change, or somehow get better. Such back and forth:
– fuels persistent sadness and anxiety,
– makes taking life decisions seem impossible,
– blocks us from enjoying our life despite the ambiguous loss.
Navigating Ambiguous Loss
While ambiguous loss is widely experienced; it is barely ever acknowledged as a specific type of grieving process. Navigating ambiguous loss calls for new ways of thinking, feeling, and caring for ourselves, such as:
1. Both-and thinking
Pauline Boss invites us to ditch the idea of “getting over” the loss or resolving the uncertainty. Instead, we can focus on learning to live with it. Instead of choosing between “I must move on” OR “I can never let go,” try to find some shades of grey in between. Holding both truths at once — sadness and hope, grief and growth helps reduce distress and builds resilience.
2. Seek social support
Find people who understand or validate your emotions. Support groups, trusted friends, or even online communities can embrace you and the complicated feelings linked to your experience.
3. Allow yourself to grieve
Grief is a non-linear process, without a clear ending or a deadline that is experienced uniquely. There is no one way to grieve.. Let go of the pressure to “get over it.” Instead, focus on providing a sea of support, patience, and self-compassion.
Even though it might feel isolating, remember – you are not alone in this. Navigating ambiguous loss with the assistance of a skilled mental health professional, such as therapists and psychiatrists at Harbor Psychiatry & Mental Health, can help you:
- Understand & unpack the complexity of your experience
- Develop coping skills to go through daily life with greater ease
- Process grief and uncertainty in a safe, compassionate, and supportive space
- Build resilience and find meaning in your story
- Address any mental health issues like anxiety, depression, or trauma symptoms
Professional support offers not just relief — but transformation. When you learn to sit with uncertainty and tolerate it, you might make just enough space to discover clarity, emotional freedom, and new ways of living that feel purposeful, while also honoring your loss.
If this resonates, don’t wait for things to change on their own. Click here to reach out for help.
References
[1] Mental Health America. (n.d.). Bereavement and grief. MentalHealthAmerica.org.
[2] “About Ambiguous Loss.” Ambiguous Loss.com, www.ambiguousloss.com/about/. Accessed 25 Jan. 2026.
[3] Heeke, C., Stammel, N., & Knaevelsrud, C. (2015). When hope and grief intersect: Rates and risks of prolonged grief disorder among bereaved individuals and relatives of disappeared persons in Colombia. Journal of Affective Disorders, 173, 59–64.
