What if the secret to succeeding in life is not found in how hard you can grit your teeth, but how much joy you can actually find in the struggle?
When we think about big challenges, we often imagine a single path to the top: relentless grind, constant pressure, and endless sacrifice. But getting to know the two remarkable athletes, figure skater Alysa Liu and freestyle skier Eileen Gu, during the 2026 Winter Olympics, was like a breath of fresh air for the world. They both stood on the podium multiple times, yet the way they achieved this goal looked completely different.
If you struggle with burnout, perfectionism, procrastination, stress, or anxiety, their stories might challenge what you’ve been taught about success – and invite you to revisit how you approach effort. Working with a mental health professional can also help you build a system that fits your unique needs and preferences.
The Psychological Cost of The “Grind”
Building self-discipline is almost never about simply deciding to work hard.
You might recognize this struggle in yourself:
- You set high standards—but feel like nothing is ever enough
- You procrastinate—not because you’re lazy, but because the pressure feels overwhelming
- You struggle with self-doubt, even when you’re objectively doing well.
So often, the real obstacle here isn’t laziness or lack of ambition — it’s unhealthy beliefs repeated time and again, such as:
1. A fixed mindset tells you that your skills or capacity to grow are predetermined and unchangeable. You’re either a disciplined person or you’re not; you’re either talented or you aren’t. That belief makes every failure feel like confirmation of your incompetence rather than information for adjustment.
2. Add to this the phenomenon of learned helplessness — where repeated experiences of effort not translating into results teach the brain, quite literally, to stop trying — and you have a combination that can keep genuinely capable, hardworking people stuck in place for years.
3. Perfectionism layers on top of this, too, convincing you that the only safe move is to do everything flawlessly or not at all, which often means not at all.
4. Procrastination, so frequently misread as laziness, usually comes from a similar mindset to perfectionism: if you never fully commit, you can never fully fail.
If issues like anxiety, self-doubt, or fear of failure feel like they’re holding you back, you don’t have to work through them alone.
At Harbor Psychiatry & Mental Health, our therapists help high-achieving individuals break the cycles that keep them stuck — and build the mental foundations that support sustainable growth. Reach out to schedule a consultation today.
Two Paths to the Same Peak
The good news? These patterns are not character flaws. These are responses we learned at some point — which means they can also be unlearned. Let’s take a closer look at the patterns of our athletes:
Both women are of American-Chinese heritage. Both reached the pinnacle of their sports through years of repetition and structure. Yet, they did so using two entirely different psychological maps:
Eileen Gu: The Laser Precision
Eileen Gu is, in every sense of the word, a strategist.
She speaks with the clarity and focus of someone who seems to already be three questions ahead of you. She journals extensively — not to process emotions, but as a performance tool, a way of shaping belief before stepping into competition.
Her approach to self-improvement reads like a scientist studying their own mind: “I apply a very analytical lens to my own thinking, and I modify it,” she has said.
For Gu, discipline looks like precision — structured reflection, deliberate habit-building, and metacognition as a daily practice. The latter is the ability to observe and adjust your own thinking. This skill is crucial for growth, allowing you to learn from feedback instead of being defined by it. Reflecting on your failures and analyzing your performance with curiosity is what can help you improve and build resilience.
This way, rather than blindly moving in circles, you can consciously walk in an upward spiral.
Alysa Liu: The Power of Joy
Alysa Liu’s philosophy could be summed up in her famous quote: “I love struggling; it makes me feel alive.”
Instead of equating success with the “gold”, she views the difficulties as the essence of her craft. Facing them is what brings her joy. This doesn’t mean her path is “easier” or effortless. It means her discipline is wired differently.
Joy is not the absence of effort—it’s the presence of connection.
Connection to herself. Connection to other teammates or rivals. Connection to the moment itself. Connection to her passion.
Liu has spoken about loving the process itself—skating not just for results, but because it feels meaningful. Neuroscience supports this: when we engage in activities we enjoy, the brain releases dopamine, enhancing motivation, focus, and learning. [1]
It’s also a great example of a growth mindset [2], where:
- the process of getting closer to a milestone is prioritized and appreciated more than the milestone itself,
- you believe that your craft is something you can always work on,
- challenges and failures are welcomed and used as data points for development.
Key Takeaway
Both Alysa Liu and Eileen Gu remind us of something very important: there isn’t one “correct” way to become disciplined, successful, or fulfilled. You don’t have to force yourself into a version of productivity that feels harsh, draining, or unsustainable. Whether your path looks more like structure and reflection, or joy and presence, what matters most is building a way of working with yourself—not against yourself.
And if right now it feels hard to access that—if anxiety, perfectionism, or self-doubt keep pulling you off track—that’s not a personal failure, it’s a sign you might need more support. At Harbor Psychiatry & Mental Health, our therapists can help you understand the patterns behind your struggles and develop tools that actually fit your mind, your goals, and your life.
You don’t have to keep pushing through alone. With the right support, it’s possible to build not just success—but a version of it that feels meaningful, sustainable, and genuinely yours.
References:
[1] Bromberg-Martin E.S., Matsumoto M., Hikosaka O. (2010). Dopamine in motivational control: rewarding, aversive, and alerting. Neuron, 68(5).
[2] Deng, J., Wang, Z., Chen, H., & Song, B. (2025). Relationship between growth mindset and competitive motivation: A moderated parallel mediation model and feature importance analysis. Frontiers in Psychology, 16.
