Emotions are central to our lives, influencing how we think, act, and connect with others. Knowing how to navigate our emotional landscape can help us flourish, while being emotionally dysregulated contributes to mental health issues like depression or anxiety.
That’s why one of the most crucial psychological skills we can practice is emotion regulation. The earlier we start to do so, the better for our well-being. For children, learning to understand and manage their emotions is an important developmental milestone that lays the groundwork for a lifelong regulated nervous system, healthier relationships, and mental thriving.
As a parent, an older sibling, a teacher or someone who spends time with children, you play a vital role in their lives. Remember that you can make a positive impact by co-regulating, aka displaying and sharing healthy coping ways in moments of emotional distress, whether it be sadness, anger or anxiety. In this article, we take a closer look at emotion regulation in children, break down common challenges and share tools to manage stress, build resilience, and flourish socially and emotionally from an early age. Let’s get started!
The Science Behind Emotion Regulation
Contrary to common beliefs, emotion regulation does not mean controlling your emotions or suppressing them. Rather than going against your feelings, this ability boils down to understanding them and responding appropriately. With the use of appropriate tools and techniques, we can:
– navigate life’s ups and downs with greater ease,
– stay calm under pressure,
– express ourselves appropriately, even during stressful or challenging situations.
Rather than reacting on impulse, emotion regulation focuses on mindful responses, choosing solutions with intention:
Imagine feeling overwhelmed by anger or sadness. Without emotion regulation, these feelings might take over, leading to impulsive actions or a spiral of negativity. However, with strong emotion regulation skills, you could take a deep breath, recognise what you’re feeling, and decide on a constructive response—like talking it out or taking a break to cool down.
Effectively monitoring, evaluating, and modifying emotional reactions happens when we:
– deepen our self-awareness when experiencing different feelings,
– cultivate acceptance of discomfort or pain engrained in some emotional states,
– use strategies to replace unhelpful emotional responses with healthy alternatives, helping maintain a balanced state in the face of challenges.
The Importance of Building Emotion Regulation Skills in Children
Teaching children emotion regulation from an early age has numerous mental health benefits. As Child Mind Institute highlights, self-regulation helps children develop independence and confidence in handling challenges.
A child who learns to regulate their emotions is better equipped to navigate life’s ups and downs later on in their lives. Learning emotion regulation from an early age means learning how to:
- Manage relationships, navigate conflicts, communicate needs clearly, and maintain positive connections with others.
- Cope with adversity by promptly bouncing back from setbacks and dealing with change with greater ease.
- Reduce the risk of struggling with emotional dysregulation, where heightened emotions disrupt thinking and behavior, leading to anxiety, depression, or behavioral challenges.
- Strengthen decision-making skills that constitute thinking clearly and making thoughtful choices, even in emotionally charged situations.
- Increase motivation, focus, and perseverance, which contribute to long-term personal growth or academic success.
It’s worth mentioning that strong emotion regulation contributes to a stable nervous system. Children who practice mindfulness and relaxation techniques can more easily return to a balanced state, therefore reducing the risk of chronic stress and fostering psychological resilience.
Emotion Regulation: Age-Appropriate Development
Children develop emotion regulation skills progressively, with each stage building on the last. Here’s a quick developmental guide:
| Age Range | Key Milestones | Examples |
| Early Years (0-3) | Co-regulation with parents/primary caregivers | Caregiver soothes a crying baby by holding them. |
| Recognizing basic emotions | Identifying “happy/sad” faces. | |
| Simple coping strategies | Hugging a favorite toy for comfort. | |
| Preschool Years (3-5) | Beginning self-regulation | Taking deep breaths when upset. |
| Expanded emotional vocabulary | Saying, “I’m angry” instead of crying. | |
| Problem-solving for minor conflicts | Sharing a toy after guidance from an adult. | |
| School Age (6-12) | Understanding complex emotions | Recognizing jealousy or embarrassment. |
| Independent regulation strategies | Using a stress ball during a tense moment. | |
| Peer relationship management | Resolving an argument with a friend. | |
| Adolescents (13-17) | Advanced emotional insight | Journaling to process feelings. |
| Balancing independence
with co-regulation |
Discussing a stressful day with parents. | |
| Managing social pressures | Setting healthy boundaries with peers. |
Tips for Teaching Emotion Regulation Skills
Building emotion regulation skills requires consistent effort, patience, and continuous willingness to educate yourself as a parent/caregiver. Here are two crucial things to focus on:
1. Create Supportive Environments
- Physical spaces for regulation: Provide a quiet corner with comforting items for regrouping. Make sure you try your best to stay calm as well. If you feel like you’re going to lose your cool, take a breather in a different room and come back once you’re calmer.
- Emotional safety: Validate children’s feelings and encourage open communication without judgment. Invite them to recognise and name their emotions. Remember that you can teach them emotion regulation by modeling behaviors. So lead by example.
- Predictable routines: Consistent schedules help children manage stress more effectively. Being a source of stability, consistency, and comfort contributes to developing a secure attachment with your child.
- Clear boundaries: Set empathetic expectations to teach accountability and emotional control. Another piece of advice here is to punish less and praise more. Reinforce more of their positive behaviors rather than reprimanding them for the negative ones.
- Validation practices: Statements like, “I understand why you’re upset; let’s work through this together,” foster trust and awareness. Show them that you’re a team, no matter what.
2. Practice Common Techniques
- Role-playing scenarios: Simulate situations to help children practice calm responses, i.e. take on the role of their classmate and rehearse saying “no” with your child.
- Mindfulness exercises: Teach children to focus on their breath or engage in grounding activities to stay present. Here’s a list of different mindfulness resources for kids and teens that you may find useful.
- Body awareness activities: Encourage recognizing physical signs of stress and using relaxation strategies. That’s how your kid can make sense of what’s happening when in distress.
- Breathing techniques: Exercises like “square breathing” (inhaling, holding, exhaling, and pausing for equal counts) can help regulate emotions. The earlier you practice this skill with your child, the sooner they can start implementing it independently in their life.
- Visual aids: Tools like emotion charts or calming jars help children identify and process their feelings. It might also make the entire learning process more fun.
Common Emotion Regulation Challenges in Childhood
Developing emotion regulation isn’t always easy; it often comes down to facing challenges and learning how to overcome them. Here are some examples:
Developing emotion regulation isn’t always easy; it often comes down to facing challenges and learning how to overcome them. Here are some examples:
- Overwhelming emotions:
- Young children feel emotions intensely but may lack the skills to express them effectively.
- common issues: tantrums, aggressive behavior, or withdrawal.
- Delayed development:
- Neurodivergent children, including those with ADHD or autism, may require additional support.
- common issues: frustration, emotional dysregultion and difficulties in social settings.
- Environmental stressors:
- Family conflicts or exposure to trauma can hinder emotional growth.
- common issues: heightened anxiety or emotional shutdowns.
- Social pressures:
- Peer dynamics and bullying can make managing emotions harder for school-age children.
- common issues: low self-esteem or social withdrawal.
- Screen time:
- Excessive digital use can overstimulate children and limit real-life emotional interactions.
- common issues: irritability or difficulty focusing.
The Role of Professional Support
When left unaddressed, these challenges can lead to numerous mental health issues, difficulties in relationships, academic struggles, and an increased risk of mood disorders.
If these struggles persist, seeking professional guidance can be invaluable. Therapists provide psychoeducation tailored to a child’s unique needs and equip families with evidence-based tools for regulation. Therapy can help children process emotions, build confidence, and practice skills in a safe, judgment-free environment.
Emotion regulation is foundational to lifelong mental health. Investing in these skills during childhood sets the stage for resilience and well-being. With the right strategies and support, parents and caregivers can empower children to navigate their emotions and thrive.
Contact us here to schedule your first meeting with our team and see how your unique needs and goals can be taken care of.
