Crying in therapy is common enough that therapists expect it. Feeling suddenly furious with your therapist, often called “transference” is common enough that researchers have studied what to do next for years.
When intense emotional states arise during your therapy, you might feel disoriented. You may feel a strong drive to escape by changing the subject or minimizing the intense feeling or canceling the following week’s session. Strong feelings in a therapy session can trigger the urge to bolt; that’s understandable. But with a few practical moves, experiencing these strong emotions can become the most productive part of your therapy.
In this article, we’ll look at why emotions crash into the session, what you can do in the moment while your therapist guides you, and how to build the same skills outside the office.
Big Emotions Explained
That powerful wave of emotions actually has a name: emotional flooding.
Emotional flooding is what happens when a feeling gets so intense that the thinking brain temporarily steps aside and the body takes over. Heart pounding, chest tight, thoughts scattering — or the opposite: going completely blank and devoid of energy.
To describe the experience of emotional flooding, therapists often use the “window of tolerance” – a psychological model first introduced by a psychiatrist, Dan Siegel, MD. Being in your window of tolerance means being in the zone where you can access both your emotions and reason, feel safe, and stay present [1]. If you can still talk, argue, or make a decision, you’re probably not flooded. You’re upset. Upset is survivable.
Flooding just feels overwhelming and unsurvivable. However,, you’re not falling apart in that moment, rather, your nervous system goes into protection mode, pushing you into:
- hypoarousal (below the window), triggering your “freeze or fawn” response
- hyperarousal (above the window), triggering your “fight or flight” response
| What flooding feels like | What’s actually happening |
| “I can’t think straight” | The thinking brain (prefrontal cortex) has temporarily gone offline. |
| Racing heart, tight chest, clenched throat, tears | The stress response is being triggered. |
| Going numb, blank, spaced out, exhausted | Your body protecting itself against emotional overload. |
| “I cannot calm down” | An intense state that peaks and passes – it’s temporary. |
How To Handle Emotional Flooding?
Whether you become flooded in or out of your therapy session, you cannot reason your way out of that state. While the body is in alarm mode, the smart part of your brain is offline – that’s simply biological. So don’t start with thinking. Here’s what to do instead:
1. Calm the body first
Focus on regulating your nervous system first. Even though you’re uncomfortable in this moment, there’s no direct threat. You are safe. Help your body remember that.
Breathing with extended exhales is the best-evidenced quick calmer there is. In a Stanford trial, five minutes of daily long-exhale breathing improved mood and reduced the body’s arousal better than mindfulness meditation [2].
In through the nose, then a long, slow breath out. Repeat 3-5 times and feel the difference.
| Learn more here:“Unlocking the Vagus Nerve: Your Key to Mental Clarity and Calm” |
2. Anchor in the room
Anchoring is a practice that helps us ground in the present moment:
Plant your feet firmly into the floor. Feel the steadiness of your seat. Name three things you can see, two you can hear, and one you can touch.
The flooding can be triggered by a painful memory or a future-oriented topic. We often react to something from our past or something that hasn’t happened yet.
Remind your nervous system that you’re right here, right now – safe.
3. Name it to tame it
Say it out loud: “I want to cry”, “I’m so furious”, “I feel like bolting.”
Naming a feeling in words lowers its intensity when the feeling runs high [3].
Naming provides structure and control: It helps replace confusion with clarity and make sense of what’s going on. It’s also a signal for your therapist to help you navigate the wave of flooding.
4. Slow down
The session moves at your pace. If you need a pause, your therapist will be glad you asked.
Practice Emotion Regulation In Therapy
Your nervous system treats unfamiliar, uncommon, unpredictable, unexpected as unsafe, and it doesn’t ask your opinion first. This is hard-wired to protect us from possible danger. Therapy is unfamiliar. So the alarm rings in the safest room you’ll ever sit in. Uncomfortable and unsafe are different experiences — and part of what therapy teaches is telling them apart in real time.
If the fear of flooding or being “too much” has been the thing between you and starting therapy, say exactly that to a professional. It’s a common fear, and it’s workable. Believing your emotions are “too much” for others measurably lowers the intention to seek help [4], and saying the fear out loud is useful clinical information, not a confession.
And if big feelings are about the therapy itself, bring them too. They aren’t a sign you’re doing therapy wrong. In fact, they’re often the material itself.
Our therapists are trained to handle your anger, your tears, your silence, or other emotions in between.
If you’d like to learn how to regulate, befriend, and feel your emotions without drowning in them, click here to contact us & schedule your first consultation today.
- Fight, Flight, Freeze or Fawn: Stress Responses Explained
- Unlocking the Vagus Nerve: Your Key to Mental Clarity and Calm
- Coping with Failure & Building Resilience: Beginner’s Guide
- Building Emotion Regulation Skills in Children
References
[1] Giordano, A. L., Dorrough, K. M., Smith, D. L., & Zhu, P. (2026). Exploring the role of dysregulated arousal in the relationship between trauma and addictive behaviors among college students. Journal of Counseling & Development, 104(3), 373–385.
[2] Balban, M. Y., Neri, E., Kogon, M. M., Weed, L., Nouriani, B., Jo, B., Holl, G., Zeitzer, J. M., Spiegel, D., & Huberman, A. D. (2023). Brief structured respiration practices enhance mood and reduce physiological arousal. Cell Reports Medicine, 4(1), 100895. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.xcrm.2022.100895
[3] Levy-Gigi, E., & Shamay-Tsoory, S. G. (2022). Affect labeling: The role of timing and intensity. PLoS ONE, 17(12), e0279303. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0279303
[4] Harvey, L. J., & White, F. A. (2023). Emotion self-stigma as a unique predictor of help-seeking intentions: A comparative analysis of early adolescents and young adults. Psychology and Psychotherapy: Theory, Research and Practice, 96(3). https://doi.org/10.1111/papt.12467
